MInutes of 11-27-07 Meeting

10:00 a.m. – Meeting convenes. A motion to call to order is offered, seconded, and put to a vote. The vote is not unanimous as Steve doesn’t say “aye” or “nay.” He explains that he didn’t think it was necessary for him to say “aye” since he assumed it was understood that the meeting would eventually convene. "Otherwise," he argues, "there would be no meeting." A discussion ensues about the importance of teamwork, and just to prove the point, the vote is retaken. This time there is unanimous “ayes” and the meeting begins.

10:20 – FONTS
The first order of business was a discussion about the fonts used in our PowerPoint presentations. A motion for Arial was offered; however, there was no second. The benefits of Courier were discussed for 47 minutes, with the main point of contention being that it is too boring. Steve argued it looked like “what people in 1980 thought the writing of the future would look like.” In the end, it was decided that Courier was too sterile. A recommendation for Chiller was offered, with the suggestion that it would “liven things up.” The employee making the suggestion was promptly fired. It was ultimately decided that we would use Times New Roman except in cases where a major point was to be emphasized, in which case we would use Garamond.

11:13 – HOLD MUSIC
The next discussion revolved around whether or not the “hold” music should be changed. It currently runs a loop of smooth jazz versions of “Wind Beneath My Wings,” “The Way It Is,” “My Heart Will Go On,” and “Unskinny Bop.” Debate ensued about the possibility of switching to real music but no one knew if we needed some sort of FCC license or other paperwork. A suggestion was made that we could “stream” a local radio station but decided it wouldn’t be beneficial to have someone call, get put on hold, and hear ads for the local grocery store, car wash, or strip club. Steve suggested that, whatever we offer for hold music, we periodically have a recording break in letting our callers know that the call is important to us, and that our first available representative will be with them shortly. This suggestion was wildly lauded as brilliant, and a motion to proceed with the idea seconded and passed. A motion to have Tom L. record the voice, because he usually sounds really happy, was also seconded and passed. Regarding the music, it was decided that, given the popularity of the three songs currently in our rotation, we would leave them as is.

11:57 – STEVE
During a digression from the agenda, it was discovered that the employee we’d all been calling Steve was actually named Phil. A motion to keep calling him Steve to alleviate confusion was seconded and passed.

12:02 – THE HANSCOMB INCIDENT
Next on the agenda was the best way to deal with the “Hanscomb Incident.” A motion to hire a professional cleaning service to clean and sterilize Hanscomb’s cubicle as well as the surrounding area was offered and seconded. A motion to involve the police in the investigation was not seconded. All calls from Hanscomb’s wife will continue to be placed on hold and not answered. It was suggested that the recording of Tom L. may help cheer her up a little.

12:20 – COKE ZERO
In another non-agenda item, a motion to provide Coke Zero at future meetings in addition to the current selections of Coke, Diet Coke, and Sprite was offered, seconded and passed.

12:25 – NONAGENDA ITEMS
A motion to no longer allow items that are not on the agenda to be brought up was brought up and passed.

12:28 – KOI POND
There is concern that the fish in the pond in front of the building like to eat the grass that grows in the semi-shallow water in the pond. A question was brought up about what the technical name for that area is – the part that’s about 2-3 feet deep. Steve was assigned to look it up and report at the next meeting. There was concern that the fish eating the grass would contribute to global warming, and as a "green" organization, we could be sending the wrong message. A motion was offered to remove the fish. Jenkins noted that many of the fish already suffer from hypokinesia and akinesia, probably from the coal mine runoff that flows onto our property, and will likely die soon anyway. A motion to leave the fish alone and see if they’ll die of their own accord was offered, seconded, and carried unanimously.

12:45 –FIRE EXTINGUISHERS
Jerry noted that there is apparently a law on the books in our state that requires the building to be equipped with fire extinguishers. It was unclear as to why this was necessary; there have been no reported fires in the history of the building. The legal department promised to look into the matter. In the meantime, in order to comply with state and local officials, it was decided that large buckets of water would be dispersed throughout the building in the event of fire, that the shoddy wiring on the fourth floor would be addressed, and that Jenkins should make a concerted effort to remember not to put his spoon in the microwave when he cooks his oatmeal.

1:06 – ADJOURNMENT
A motion to adjourn was offered, seconded, and passed. Most employees remained in the meeting room, not wanting to appear to eager to leave lest they be thought of as not being team players. Eventually a motion had to be offered to force people to leave the meeting room. As usual, the leftover food and drinks were offered to the janitorial staff in lieu of pay.